LawGeek

Domo Arigatou Mr. Roboto

Link: Domo Arigatou Mr. Roboto:

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

DOG DIARY

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!       

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with my people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!       

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CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.

Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.

However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.       

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.       

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -- and seems to be more than willing to       return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move.  My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe...

For now...

(Thanks Amy!)

Will the iPhone Blend?

Amazing new theory on chickens

Check out this fantastic presentation by Doug Zongker on the future of Chickens:

His paper outlining this bold new theory is available here.

1-click silliness

Let it load and play around with the guys using your cursor.

http://www.1-click.jp/

beatbots

Dude, beatbots.  Make sure to click on "Keepon dancing to Spoon"

(via fun@sims)

NYTimes Oscar Thank You Chart

Word.

Casket reviews on Amazon.com: Who knew?

A little morbid but still kinda funny -- Casket Reviews on Amazon.com:

Awaiting death was never so hard to do!!!, January 18, 2007

   

Reviewer:

Onur Kalar  - See all my reviews

I must agree, this casket is the shiznit! Whether your six feet under or living life vampire style, this high quality casket exudes fashion and style. The extra plush padding on the inside ensures a cadavers body wont be bumped or bruised, but rather, awaiting judgement day in comfort. To be honest, I hope judgement day takes forever, because there is a little piece of heaven in this casket, probably the closest I will ever get!

(Thanks Owen!)

Madlib Love Poem Generator

Madlib Love Poem Generator

My Love
 

Your skin glows like the kiwi, blossoms twisted  as the  orchid in the purest hope of spring.
My heart follows your oboe  voice and leaps like a sloth at the whisper of your name.
The evening floats in on a great  blue-footed boobie wing.
I am comforted by your underpants that I carry into the twilight of spatchulabeams and hold next to my eyebrow.
I am filled with hope that I may dry your tears of Jell-o.
As my  pinky falls from my garter belt, it reminds me of your spray can.
In the quiet, I listen for the last fart of the day.
My heated thorax leaps to my necktie. I wait in the moonlight for your secret time machine so that we may slide as one, thorax to thorax, in search of the magnificient red and mystical balloon of love.

(Thanks Awesome!)

McSweeney's iPhone User's Guide.

The iPhone: A User's Guide:

Congratulations on your purchase of the 8-gigabyte iPhone from Apple Inc.! For the first time, you will be able to engage in all the varieties of human interaction through a single device. Please consult the table of contents below for an in-depth look at your iPhone experience.

I. Introduction

II. Turning on the iPhone

III. Making a call using the iPhone

...

IX. Using the iPhone to solve disputes between Moqtada al-Sadr and certain Sunni elements within Iraq without causing an escalation of hostilities, or the development of closer ties between Iran and Shiite militias

X. Using the iPhone to assist European antitrust authorities in understanding the difference between "tying arrangements" and "legitimate competition" in online music sales

XI. Using the iPhone to explain how the internal board committee of Apple Computer Inc. (before the name change) headed by Al Gore could exonerate Steve Jobs of any wrongdoing in the options-backdating scandal

XII. Using the iPhone to explain why Microsoft believed that introducing the Zune was either wise or appropriate, given the market for MP3 players in late 2006

XIII. Using the iPhone to take pictures of celebrities without underpants

...

XV. Using the iPhone to better understand the coming synergies between Disney and Apple, and the fact that no conflicts involving the Sarbanes-Oxley Act will ensue

...

XVIII. Using the iPhone to learn whether superstring theory's positing of 10 dimensions (or 11 in M-theory) is viable in light of recent discoveries relating to dark matter

...

XX. Using the iPhone to find love, true love, love like you've never dreamed of

...

XXIII. Using the iPhone to attain inner peace

XXIV. How to change the iPhone's battery