Steve Martin's Script Notes on "The Passion"

I've been falling behind on my New Yorker reading. It's one of the two magazines I swear by on a regular basis (the other one being Entertainment Weekly). Today I finally flipped through the March 8th issue and reminded myself why I love it.

On the Back Page, Steve Martin has a hilarious one-pager on "Studio Script Notes on 'The Passion.' " Martin usually isn't as funny on paper as he is on screen (or at least was), but this time, he really does the written word justice. Check out these highlights:

* Love the Jesus character. So likeable. He can't seem to catch a break! We identify with him because of it. One thing: I think we need to clearly state "the rules." Why doesn't he use his superpowers to save himself?

* Does it matter which garden? Gethsemane is hard to say, and Eden is a much more recognizable garden. Just thinking outloud.

* Our creative people suggest a clock visual fading in and out in certain scenes, like the Last Supper bit: "Thursday, 7:43 P.M.," or "Good Friday, 5:14 P.M."

* Also, could he change water into wine in Last Supper scene? Would be a great moment, and it's legit. History compression is a movie tradition and could really brighten up the scene. Great trailer moment, too.

* Possible title change: "Lethal Passion." Kinda works. The more I say it outloud, the more I like it.

* Is there someplace where Jesus could be using an iBook? You know, now that I say it, it sounds ridiculous. Strike that. But think about it. Maybe we start a shot in Heaven with Jesus thoughtfully closing the top?

and my favorite...

* Merchandising issue: it seems the Cross image has been done to death and in public domain -- we can't own it. Could the Cruciifixion scene involve something else? A Toyota would be wrong, but maybe there's a shape we can copyright, like a wagon wheel?

Comments

[Philip Dhingra]

I love the New Yorker too. It's too bad they can't be liberal with regards to new technology, like maybe putting more than their current issue online, or at least helping you search their Table of Contents for old articles.

I can kind of forgive them because they have some sort of unspoken "purity of print" rule. But really, a more complete net version of the New Yorker would serve its customers so much better. Instead I have to store my old issues just in case I need to recover something, which I inevitably have to do once a month.

[Jesus Christ]

Steve:

You are a fooking idiot.

[Dan]

What really would've made The Passion perfect would have been a Jesus Christ action figure with kung-fu action grip. Oh, and laser beams.

[Peter]

Why Jesus didnt save himself with his "superpowers"?
It's a simple teological quiestion... But since this is not a serious place to talk about the subject, i wont do it. :-)
Tip: He is a human being, he did miracles the same way saints do.

[AceWhiplash]

Sorry to comment so late, but it seems we all need some edumacating, maybe even Steve Martin...the mere (and well-documented) fact that no studio would touch Gibson's Passion renders Martin's "satire" immediately and irrevocably toothless. In fact, it reads as more sympathetic to Gibson than not, by documenting the many ways in which a studio will superficially distort a meaningful story to shoehorn in what they consider marketable...I notice that people seem to assume that it's a biting attack but Martin is never quoted as saying that it is. If this is the best Martin can do to rip Gibson....he needs help. Instead, I prefer to believe that it reads as one veteran of Hollywood battles giving grudging respect to another veteran for pulling an end-around the Hollywood process that actually worked.

[Ed Albert]

Mr. Jason Schultz, The fact that you hold Steve Martin's comments, in any regard, says little for your character. There are some things in life that are better left "to be" without satirical retrospect from anyone. Would you find amusement in an article comparing the Holocaust or Prisoners-of-War to a circus? Somehow, I think you would. For that reason, Mr. Schultz, you have my deepest pity. You reassure me that there are people in society that live their lives with total disregard towards that which is most important. Perhaps, the Lord God has a sense of humor and will grace you with forgiveness when you stand before him in accountance. Perhaps, not..... For your sake, I pray.

[Adam L]

Are you serious? Lighten up.

[Ethel Martin]

You little weasel. I ought to turn you over on my knee this minute. We should have put you up for adoption, or better yet given you to the pound. You owe your dad five bucks. Don't forget.